"We fear being punished in the same way we punish othes"
Blame is when someone declares that another person is responsible for having done something wrong.
In life, we are all bound to make mistakes. But when we get blamed for our mistakes we can encounter suffering states of the Mind. I.e. we can feel wrongly accused, or we can feel like we failed, we can experience hurt or anger and frustration and so forth. But there will be those people who will not be emotionally affected by the event and simply continue living their lives as if nothing has happened.
This article is about addressing the suffering states of mind when we get blamed.
Blame In Depth
People we go deep into the topic we have to first realize that when people blame us it may not necessarily because we actually did something wrong. It will always be because they "believed" that we have done something wrong.
So we can get blamed for no good reason just simply because they didn't like what we did. For instance we may think it's better to give each other time and space when we just had an argument with a loved one and then get blamed for being too distant and cold.
The focus of this article is about addressing the negative state of mind that can happen when we get blamed and the cause of it.
From a psychological perspective, our fears of being blamed can have been brought out during childhood by our parents who are always blaming us for doing the wrong things. As our parents are symbols of authority i.e. what is right and wrong, it can create a sense of "unworthiness to be loved" when they blamed us for doing something wrong. And similarly when someone blames us in life it can create similar reactions.
As one dives deeper into one's mind to observe what actually creates the fear of prosecution one will encounter the theme of judgement at play. We all fear being blamed and being prosecuted because we don't like to be judged negatively.
And even deeper, ironically it is through our desire and need to punish other people for doing wrong that sustains the negativity and fear of prosecution because we fear that people will do the same to us.
Thus to truly release ourselves from such a fear we not only have to learn to accept others when they do wrong but also to look at the cause as to why we want to punish others. Usually issues to do with "control" and "responsibilities" will be at play.
All fears will always recede back to one root cause which is the lack of Self-Acceptance. Once The Self no longer lacks Self-Acceptance then it will no longer feel the need to justify oneself out of fear when one is being blamed. Thus developing support for oneself is a good start of addressing such fear / negativity.
Importance Of Addressing The Fear Of Being Blamed
It is important to address the Fear of being blamed.
The Fear of Prosecution can be very draining to the mind as it can make us "defensive" and imagine all the possible scenarios where we can get blamed. It can make us argue with "imaginary" Selves in our mind.
When we experience the Fear of getting blamed, instead of looking at how to solve a solution to a problem at hand we can start devoting our energy into how to escape getting blamed when there is a problem to solve.
As with all fears, when we experience it there will be confusion and a lack of clarity. Thus in such an experience, instead of looking at the situation to see whether or not it was correct for others to blame us we can be easily driven by the fear / negativity of being blamed to become overly defensive and end up appearing as if we have really done something wrong. People often judge others by the covers so as long as one appears "wrong" then that is enough justification for the blame to have taken place.
Path Of Creator
Blame In Relation To The Path Of Creator
The destination is reach a state of mind where we can naturally accept ourselves and others even when we are blamed - even if it is for the wrong reasons. The Path usually takes us to the accumulation of the wisdom that people will always see you for how they want to see you rather than who you really are. The Wisdom learnt here is thus not to waste energy trying to control other people's perception of you but rather to use the energy in expressing who you are. And whether or not they will believe you will always be up to their own choice .
Also as one develops Self-Belief and have the confidence to stand up for themselves when they are getting blamed for no reasons people will begin to notice this at a subconscious level and will hold back more with their accusations. Thus there is no need to focus on "how to get out of a blame" because as one naturally develops Self-Confidence that one is doing the right thing then people will naturally think twice before blaming you and then with time stop blaming you altogether.
Thus all this will happen naturally as one simply works on transforming and releasing their Sufferings. Because the more one works on their negativities/fears, one will gradually develop Self-Belief.
One may discover the following ideas in their journey towards self-discovery.
"It is not ok to be wrong"
This is an example of a Negative Idea. The transition towards the positive declaration begins through accepting other people when they do wrong or when you do something wrong.
The note here is that the Acceptance is not reached through suppressing one's own opinion and giving in to other's but rather it is through the acceptance of other's opinion at the same time accepting one's own. It will take time for one to develop the wisdom to achieve such balance and harmony of Acceptance.
For the mind which carries the positive declaration, the person will be able to freely accept oneself and others when someone's wrong. One can also freely choose whether or not to do something that they think is wrong and something that they think is right.
"When You Fear Accusations, You are lacking Self-Confidence"
When you fear being prosecuted or accused of doing something, it is a sign that you do not yet fully trust yourself that you are doing the right thing. As a result this Fear can make you overly defensive and say things which are not necessary i.e. people may be just saying a joke but the Fear can make one take it too seriously / personally.
Realize too that when people give their opinions/judgement of you, they have the very right to do so, so there is no point in trying to change their point of you. When you find yourself struggling with the urge and desire to change them the cause of that desire will always be traced back to the lack of self-confidence which can also lead to anger and the themes of control.
No End To Arguments
When we carry the Fear of being accused, we can develop the habit of running inner dialogues with ourselves. We can begin to imagining what other people would say to make us feel wrong and imagine ways to defend against it and try to accuse the other person. When we have circular dialogues like this it will run with no ends.
Life will take us to accumulate the wisdom that one will always be able to find right and wrong in every topic in life thus whatever side we take will always have an equal chance of winning whether we are on the affirmative side or the negative side. That is why when we run dialogues imagining both sides of the party the arguments can run forever and ever.
Thus learn that there is no need to become so sensitive and self-defensive to any question or statement that people throw across at you.
Develop Experienced Knowledge
When you find yourself imagining getting blamed for something simply tell yourself that you won't get blamed and then observe the inner resistance to develop the Knowing.
And when you are being blamed for the wrong reason, simply try to express yourself. In this case it does not matter if you ultimately do or not because it is through the intention of trying to do so that you can uncover any negativities of being blamed or prosecuted that may be lurking inside. And when they do come out simply observe them to develop the Knowing.
The Creator's MeditationLink here
Whenever you experience inner dialogues of trying to defend yourself against other people’s accusations of you, simply refocus your attention on the body journey with a calm mind. When you do this, you are practising the art of developing self-belief towards yourself and compassion towards others at the deeper level of the mind.
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