Self-Denial

Denial In Depth

There can be many reasons why one would refuse to accept one's true reflection. 

In this article, we will look at the two primary reasons. The first is—

To hide imperfections

When we look at ourselves, we can always find something there that we don't like. Perhaps it's our appearance, mannerism, voice, vulnerabilities, weaknesses, and so forth. When one discovers a part of The Self that one cannot accept, one can go about in various ways to hide it:

For instance, one can easily change their appearance with makeup, clothes, plastic surgery, exercise, and so forth. 

Or, when one finds an emotion one doesn't like, for instance, trauma, one can pretend that it's not there and bury it deep down inside oneself. 

Or, when one feels that they might be rejected by others if they were to act their true selves, one can wear a mask instead to hide these traits to be more likeable. 

When one has goals to be popular, to land a job, to be successful, one can feel compelled to hide the parts of oneself that may seem unlikable to others. That is why Self-denial is a common behaviour in a society that is competition and expectation driven.

For example, these days, the use of makeup has become so common that women can be compelled to use it, and some would even be offended if you tell them that they don't need it. 

Now, this is not to say that using makeup is good or bad, but rather, it's about developing the awareness that the acts of self-denial have become such a natural thing to do these days that the idea of baring one's true appearance can make one upset and uncomfortable. Some people perhaps can be happy with or without makeup, but still, it's worthwhile to question the intentions behind one's actions. Is one trying to prettify parts of themselves because one cannot accept those parts? If that's the case, the intention of Self-Rejection will need to be addressed if one wishes for greater happiness. Greater happiness can be experienced if one can learn to accept the parts of themselves that they cannot accept.  

Self-Denial can also happen not just at the physical level but also at the emotional level, for instance, one can deny the emotions they don't want to show to others by suppressing them. And this behaviour is common in a society where being "emotional" is frowned upon. One can also deny oneself at the mental level, for instance, by agreeing with others when they don't agree with them inside.  

The more one denies oneself through hiding parts of oneself the more one can convince normalize the experience and lose the awareness of the states of self-rejection happening within, which can create blockages and disconnections at the mental and emotional level within. 

Lack of Self-Awareness.

Thus, the normalizing of self-denial can make one overlook it. When this happens, one can continue to engage in Self-Denial without being aware that one is doing so.

That is why it's important to develop Self-Awareness, which is the ability to be aware of what's happening inside one's mind and emotions. Self-Awareness is best developed through the practice of meditation because it's only when one can turn their focus inwards away from the distractions of the world outside that one can truly see oneself, to see the states of Self-Denial that are happening at all levels within.

It's a very helpful practice to maintain inner-awareness at all times because when our sight is always directed outwards, we can end up following the behaviours of what others are doing and follow it, then normalizing it. Realize that the paths paved for everyone in a a competition-and expectation-driven society will always be towards the direction of losing oneself. 

Thus, the reason why one may engage in acts of Self-denial is because one may not beaware that they one is doing it. The practice of meditation thus is again strongly encouraged.