Taken Advantage
"People won't take advantage of you if you don't let them."
Introduction
Defining Taken Advantage
In this article, we will explore the suffering states of mind one can experience when they feel that they have been taken advantage of. In such a situation, one can experience the states of hurt, unfairness, underappreciation, of being lied to.
There can be many types of situations in life that can bring out these suffering states of mind: Our boss may tell us to work overtime without compensation; we can feel "used" by our friends when they keep asking us to do things for them; in social situations where we feel pressured to say yes to doing things for others when we don't want to; when people lie in order to gain something from us, and so forth.
In this article, we will explore different ways of transforming our habit patterns to encounter less of these types of experiences.
Taken Advantage In Depth
Deep down, we all desire the state of love: of loving others and of being loved because being in such a state can bring joy and fulfilment within.
Unhappiness will be experienced in the mind when there is an imbalance in the giving and receiving of love within. For instance, if one feels that they are loving others too much, or that if one loves oneself too much, then one will experience the imbalance withi, in the different forms of unhappiness, i.e. pain, anger, hurt—all the negative states that are opposite of love.
That is why if one spends two dollars on an apple only to find later that one could buy an apple for 50 cents at another shop down the road, one can feel unhappy because one can feel that they've paid too much and received too little.
That is why if one does something for someone but receives little or nothing for return, one can experience unhappiness from the imbalance caused within.
Realize that the mind will always experience joy where there is balance and harmony between the giving and receiving because to the mind, the state of balance is its most natural state of being.
Balance is a natural state to the mind in the same way it is to the Universe. Realize that the Universe is always striving for balance: notice how the day follows the night, how light follows dark, how life follows death, how warmth follows coldness. If you look hard enough, everything is always striving towards a state of balance, even chaos itself.
Thus, it's only natural for the mind to be disturbed when it perceives you getting less than what you are giving and vice versa.
Perception
Our perception of experiences will always determine the balance of the mind.
For example, if one can "perceive" that they are receiving as much as they are giving, then the mind won't be imbalanced and thus one will not experience suffering.
So, it's not so much about what's happening in the world outside but rather about what is happening in the world inside.
"Am I perceiving that I am giving too much?"
"Am I perceiving that I am getting too little?"
Realize that there will be some people out there that will be perfectly fine giving more than they receive. For instance, these people can be the volunteer workers, the mothers and fathers who are raising their babies, the friend that is always happy to help, the worker that is always content to work more than he or she needs to be. This is because everyone will perceive their life experiences differently.
Thus, to address the suffering states of mind within, one can ask the following questions to discover the deeper causes.
"Why do I perceive this experience as me giving too much?"
"Why do I perceive this experience as me receiving too little?"
To be truly happy, one needs to transform one's perception so that it's balanced and at its most natural state. To the mind, the most balanced state is is the state of unconditional love because there won't be any expectations in the exchange of giving and receiving.
Thus, one can ask the following questions to explore the cause of one's suffering even deeper:
"What am I expecting in return when I give our love?"
"Why do I need to expect this in return for the love I give?
"Why can't I be happy by simply giving out love?"
Asking these questions will help one to dig into one's mind deeper to uncover the answers to one's unhappiness, helping one to realize that suffering will always be experienced when love is given out with expectations for something in return.
Thus, the inward journey of transforming the suffering states of the mind related to the experiences of being taken advantage of is to develop the state of Unconditional Love. Once one can give out love unconditionally, one will no longer feel the pain of not being loved back because one would no longer expect anything in return.
Learning To Say No
Having explored the way to address the deeper causes of one's unhappiness, we can look now at the ways one can use their life experiences on the outside to accelerate the journey.
And this is through learning to say No to others.
Why do we need to learn how to say no to others?
Because if you are someone that is always being "taken advantage of" by others, it would mean that you already know how to say yes. So, there's no point in developing that skill as you've already become quite the master of it!
The journey of transforming the mind is about doing something new. If it's about doing something old, then nothing will be transformed! Doing something new can take one to experience new things about the world and themselves, which can help one to see the world in a different light.
Learning to say no to others can also help one to discover the "Inner Resistance" deep within that is preventing them from saying No. And its cause will always come from one's suffering states of mind, i.e. fears of being rejected by others, or fears of hurting others, and so forth.
See Catalyst - Saying No for more detail.
It can be truly difficult to say no to others when one is not used to doing so. Thus, a way to build up to it is to get into a habit of expressing one's opinion in front of people more and more often, even expressing opinions that may hurt other people's feelings. Doing so, will help one to develop the courage to say No when it's necessary.
See Catalyst - Boundaries for more detail.
Importance
Importance Of Addressing Taken Advantage
Let us look at some of the reasons to address the suffering states of mind associated with the experience of being taken advantage of by others.
When we feel that we are always being taken advantage of, it can lead one to develop a habit of over-analyze situations because one can develop a belief that everyone has ulterior motives that are selfish and unloving. As a result, this can make one judge others too quickly before getting to know them, which can make it difficult for one to form new friendships with people.
When we have the fear of being taken advantage of, it can make us feel awkward, and sometimes it can make us avoid situations where there is a potential for us to be taken advantage of, i.e. situations that involve and giving, which can be social gatherings, at the workplace, in our relationships, and so forth.
The fears can also lead one to have biased ideas of what is fair and what is not fear, for example, creating unrealistic ideas on how men and women should behave, expectations on how a marriage should run, ideas on right and wrong, and so forth. The more one creates expectations towards what love is, the more one will be on paths that promises experiences of hurt, disappointment, and unhappiness.
Path Of Creator
Taken Advantage In Relation To The Path Of Creator
The journey is about learning to love others unconditionally: to allow oneself to give unconditionally and receive unconditionally.
It will be an inward journey of discovering the beliefs that one has become attached to that is generating the expectations and fears, that are preventing one from loving others unconditionally.
To accelerate the inward journey, one can use outer experiences as a catalyst by learning to say no to others, to stand up for themselves, to do something different than before.
The outer journey will mainly be about the learning of expressing ourselves honestly. Because when we can be a Clear Self for others to see, others will know about our boundaries and know where the line is.
Thus, by learning to express oneself honestly, the outer issues of being taken advantage of will be resolved naturally. And that outward journey will take one on an inward journey to discover the suffering states of the mind that is holding them back from being honest.
Thus, on the journey of transforming ourselves, one will ultimately have to address their suffering states of the mind if they wish to address the issues to do with being taken advantage of.
The journey of addressing the issues to do with being taken advantage of can be enlightening because as we learn to communicate our true thoughts and feelings to others, i.e. to say no and draw lines when we need to, we will realize that all this time, others have taken advantage of us because we have allowed them to.
But the journey won't be easy. It will undoubtedly be a confusing and challenging journey that will take one to refine their knowing of what love is so that it can become balanced again
See Catalyst - Direction Of Love for more details.
The destination is towards unconditional love. In this state, the mind will perceive the world with the earned wisdom that loving others is really no different than loving oneself.
Know and Transform The Self!
Reading articles helps with understanding, but to transform the mind, one realizes the truth from experience.
For such an enlightening journey, the Self-Transformation Course has everything you will ever need!
