"Every relationship you have will always be about yourself"
Relationship here is defined as developing a connection with the other Self.
We can have all sorts of relations in life:
We can form friendships with each other, we can get into a marriage with someone we love, we can apply become an employee to our boss, we can become a parent to our children and so forth.
This article will examine the ways in which we can distil wisdom from our relationships to catalyze the Knowing of The Self.
Relationship In Depth
At the deeper level of the Mind, relationship is not limited only to having connections with people but it encompasses all forms of relationships - with All there is – because All is The Self.
So you can have a relationship with a car, with flower, with your mobile phone.
You can even have a relationship with the moon or a planet that is from afar.
And whatever relationship you choose to have, the quality of relationship will always relate back to the relationship with yourself.
Because in the deeper mind, the part in which you cannot accept in others will always come back to the part in which you cannot accept in yourself and vice versa.
Thus creating relationships with the world around us can hel pus to develop the Deeper Knowing of ourselves.
Relationships thus can act as a portal to allow one to uncover and discover one’s deeper Mind – One’s Deeper States of Sufferings.
Because the deeper the relationship, the clearer the mirror will be.
Path Of Creator
Relationship In Relation To The Path Of Creator
The journey begins with the understanding that no matter what kind of relationships one has, the quality of that relationship will always come down to the quality of the relationship that one has towards oneself.
Thus to improve the quality of all relationships, one will have to work on oneself - and this is done by releasing one’s Suffering States.
Such a journey will involve the Two-Way Acceptance of oneself and others as all relationships will recede back to the relationship with The Self.
As the spiritual lessons will all involve Self-Acceptance, as one develops Self-Knowing, one will discover something mysteriously suprising, that as one becomes more accepting towards oneself even the parts that is ugly, all things that used to appear “ugly” will become beautiful whether it is a thing or person in the outer world.
Ulltimately the destination is to reach the realization through inner experience that The Self is in fact All There Is.
Using Relationships As A Catalyst
Intimate relationships are beneficial in that it allows each Self to act as a mirror for each other. From the challenges that each Self faces in holding the flame which keeps the love alive, one will discover one's negative reactions/fears/the greater work that needs to be done.
It can be correct to say that the more challenging a relationship, the more potential there is for growth - for instance with our loved ones or our work colleagues etc.
However realize that when we get into a relationship which is too challenging our mind and emotions may lack the stability/clarity to develop the Knowing.
Thus it is not so beneficial for The Self to enter such relationships if The Self cannot maintain Stillness within the Mind. Without Stillness, instead of seeing all things with clarity one can easily fall into the “Illusionary Reality” that the Negative State of The Mind can create such as taking everything too “seriously." Within the Negative State of the Mind, it is easy to “blame” others for one’s sufferings than to take the responsibility of working on it from the inside out.
Thus often if one wishes to dive deeper into knowing the Self, one can take a break from suffering relationships from time to time to observe what is really going on or by just keeping the relationship at the surface level and just observe from the outside and go Deeper when one has developed enough Stillness to venture further.
Long-Term Relationships A Catalyst
Long-Term relationships offer a great potential for the Self to develop greater Knowing and Acceptance towards The Self because the longer one stays in the relationship the deeper and more Intense / Vivid that Relationship will become.
Long-Term relationships can include spending a length of time together with family, with partner, with friends and with their colleagues. It doesn’t even have to be relationships with a person, it can be even relationships with jobs, with life goals, with a house that one has brought etc. The longer one can stay without leaving, the more potential there is for one to dive deeper into oneself.
The act of staying in a long-term relationship can be seen as an act of Commitment – See Catalyst Commitment. Acts of commitment will always bring great insight into one's mind. Because through long-term relationships, there will be many opportunities for fights/arguments/misunderstand, fears of judgement, fears of leaving, internal and outer conflicts and so forth to surface one by one.
The potential for greater knowing and transformation begins when one experiences the need to reject the other Self but tries to Accept the Other Self instead.
But progress can only be made when work is done within to address the Suffering at the level of the State of Mind rather than putting all the focus in addressing the Actions – ultimately the work is complete when one can accept the Other Self without experiencing any negativities from within.
The Potential for relationships to be a catalyst is accelerated when Both Selfs try their best to be as clear as they can be. When there are two Clear Selfs then the friction/fire will be greatest and that is when both can see both of their deeper problems in the clearest light.
Realize that when one is afraid to show their true self or to express what they feel like then it is hard for the Catalyst to take effect.
It is through the process of creating and clearing misunderstandings, of making mistakes and being forgiven, of expressing anger and trying to accept one another, of clashing and resolving the conflict of differing opinions that one can make progress in their development of Self-Acceptance towards oneself and others.
Committing to the relationship rather than running away when times get rough can help us with our progress because sometimes it is only through staying in the relationship for a while that we can experience being accepted in times when we are imperfect, in times we are irrational, in times when are judgemental and develop the knowing that that people are actually trying their best to love us. But if we leave relationships all too quickly then we will never be able to experience these possibilities and as a result the fear of being judged by others will remain unchanged.
Relationships In Relation To Fears
Often our desires for a relationship can bring out a lot of fear within us. For instance, the fear of being rejected, the fear of being a stalker, fear of being imperfect, fear of unworthiness and so forth. Thus our desires for relationships have the potential to bring our deepest fears out into light for us to see.
To Have a Relationship Or Not ?
Sometimes we may question ourselves whether or not we would like a relationship. It may be simply a lack of knowing in whether or not one truly wants a relationship. This usually happens when The Self lacks a goal or a purpose or have too much free time to wander in their minds.
Thus in this scenario one has to first develop the Knowing of The Self. Because as one becomes more and more aware of what one’s goals are in life, what one’s interests are, what one’s deeper desires are, then naturally then one will Know not only if one wishes for a partner but also what kind of a relationship one would like to have.
For those who have grown comfortable being isolated from people, to develop the Knowing one will simply have to try to create relationships with people to develop the Knowing of whether one wishes to have a relationship or not. This is because long-term isolation can become a habit, and this habit can often make us believe that we do not want a relationship. And the comfortable feeling of wanting to be alone can take a while to be transformed. It is only by challenging this habit and experiencing different forms of relationships that one can truly realize whether or not one wishes to be in a relationship or not.
Develop Experienced Knowledge
See all relationships as having a relationship with yourself by asking the question.
“What do I like about this that I like about myself. What do I dislike about this that I dislike about myself.?
The Creator's MeditationLink here
When you are meditating realize that you are examining the quality of the relationship you have with yourself.
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